I always forget that no one can help me but myself.
I put all my eggs in one basket: “as soon as ___blank__ happens, I'll be fine.” I do this with everything; small things and the big stuff.
“As soon as I quit my job I’ll feel better.”
“As soon as I stick to my yoga routine, I'll get back into shape.”
“As soon as I learn how to set boundaries, I'll have my freedom back.”
As soon as…..
But that never happens because as soon as I DO something, another thing pops up!
It’s not about jumping from one goal to the next.
It’s not about being “good enough” or “better than I was before”…
No- this IS life.
Life doesn’t magically stop happening when we reach a milestone. It continues- like water cutting through rocks; it’s a powerful force that can drown us or send us flowing; weightless and carried by it’s strength.
So what will you choose? To drown, or to be carried by the current?
I’m not sure about you but my mind is constantly a sea of thoughts. A barrage of “I should be doing this.”
“Why did I say that?”
“I have to be better at..”
And sometimes (most of the time) I just want a break. But the break, the reprieve, cannot come from anyone but me. It’s ironic and kind of disheartening to know that it doesn’t matter how many times I see my therapist, or meditate, or eat healthy- I am the only one who knows what’s best for me, at every given moment.
We are not responsible for anyone but ourselves. And that is both good and bad news.
It’s good to know that WE control how we feel because it allows us to really play the game of manifesting, of self-compassion, of designing our lives.
But it’s bad too because it’s HARD! Many of us don’t have a support system or a structure in our lives where we feel okay to accept ourselves.
So how can we learn to help ourselves? For me, it comes in steps- a sequence- like a dance.
5 ways to become your own healer
1: Accept How you Feel
This step is HUGE. Anxiety is created from disconnection to self. When we don’t feel good, it’s often because we are resisting; whether it be pain or illness or emotional anguish or worry. We are resisting WHAT IS. So the first step in helping ourselves is simple, accept how we feel. I do this by stating it out loud or writing it down. Using very basic words and terms, “I feel sad.” “My feelings are hurt.”
2. FEEL how you feel
Once you accept how you feel, it’s time to actually FEEL it. Like a child, sometimes we need to FEEL for just a few minutes, to get it out of our system. If you put words to how you’re feeling, let yourself express them. If you’re sad, cry it out. If you’re overwhelmed, breathe loudly. If you’re happy, laugh. This is all about letting ourselves know that FEELING is okay- it’s not negative and it’s natural. So, feel how you feel.
3. Practice compassion
When we feel our emotions, especially if we’re not used to that practice, a little guilt comes in. “I have no reason to be upset” or “other people have it way worse than I do.” So practice compassion for yourself. For your feelings, no matter how messy or silly they are. Take a moment with a hand on your heart and a hand on your belly to just love yourself, no matter how you feel.
Processing what comes up is where the work comes in. When we don’t recognize what we’re feeling, it gets buried and blocked. Blocked energy is manifested as illness and even pain in the body. So, help yourself by processing. This looks different for everyone. For me, it helps to write in a journal. Just noting what came up for me, and what I’m dealing with. Processing could look like sweating it out in a yoga class or taking a walk or even calling a friend. It’s up to you but definitely let it out!
5. Take Action
This is the fun part! It’s time to take action to help yourself! You first accepted how you felt; maybe you felt guilty about something. You let yourself feel the guilt and then you practiced self-compassion. From there, you processed it; maybe called a friend and chatted about the guilt you had. Now it’s time to take action- This is where we break the cycle. Taking action could mean changing a situation (if you felt guilt about canceling plans, make new plans that YOU feel comfortable with). Taking action could mean writing a note to your future self. Taking action could mean sharing that feeling with a loved one for the first time. Whatever you do, let that feeling keep moving through you!
So, as we enter into a New Year, it’s up to us to stay connected with ourselves because we are our own teachers. We are our own healers and our own friends.
When we can love ourselves and care for ourselves, as much as we do for others, we are truly thriving- not just surviving.