This month was INTENSE. I had a suspicion of this after reading the Power Path forecast but I don't think I expected the intense changes that happened. Many of you know how I post little microblogs on my Instagram and so I thought I'd compile a few things that I realized since the last New Moon.
I'm done listening to my mind, more than I listen to my body.
I'm done ignoring what I want because I'm afraid of how it will look to others. I'm done trying to decipher between my heart and my intuition. I'm tired of thinking. I'm tired of justifying. I'm tired of being in control. I'm tired of THINKING I'm in control. I am ready to dive into what FEELS GOOD. I am ready to fly towards what my heart tells me to. I'm ready to swim in waters that support me, rather than trying to be alone to support myself. I love myself. I respect myself. So now it's time to treat myself. To nourish myself. To BE myself. ⠀
I am truly understanding the difference between Soul and Spirit.
For me, Spirit is pure perfection. It is meta and union with a higher power. It's perhaps unattainable or something I always am attracted to. ⠀
But my SOUL has been on fire since I stepped foot into this humid, loud, interesting town. ⠀
I'm realizing that my Soul needs tending to. She needs to be nourished with what makes her feel alive. ⠀
Quite honestly, I'm tired of Spirit. I'm feeling as if my quest to reach or preach or experience Spirit has white-washed my Soul. ⠀
My Soul wants heart and truth. I TRUST in Spirit but I still need to feed my soul. The more I let my Soul guide me, the better I feel. ⠀
Over the last year, I have extensively explored my mind "versus" my heart "versus" my body/gut/intuition. And what I've learned is that for me, my heart and body want to be linked. They want to move in succession, flowing with each other. ⠀
I believe my heart to be my Masculine- heated; external; Solar. I believe my body/intuition to be the Feminine- cooling; calm, internal. ⠀
Being here with the Heat of the sun and the cooling ocean waters has nourished the duality that I am. ⠀
It has allowed me to get out of my head and realize that I've never done anything wrong. ⠀
I am perfect, just the way I am. ⠀
My mistakes are not that- they are beautiful experiences. ⠀
When I close my eyes, breathe deeply, and FEEL into what I want- it is what feeds my soul. ⠀
And that, for me, is love. Pure, unconditional love.
I remember it well.
I remember when I no longer required, craved, needed validation from my parents. I remember feeling free when they picked me up from the airport and I saw them with more compassion and less admiration. I remember when I stopped beating myself up and began loving myself. When I no longer said negative things after each decision I made. I remember when I started feeding my Soul and trusting in my Spirit. My days go by in peace as I trust in myself. I love myself. I live for myself. I believe in Magic and I'm not scared to say it. I know what I like and it's taken me 27 years to realize that this is ME. I love driving. I love nature. I love teaching yoga. Reading books is fun and eating Cheetos makes me happy. I think deeply about most everything and I hate small talk. Like- REALLY despise it. I used to want to travel the world but now I feel best when I'm at home. The sun and the ground are medicine for me. I feel at peace with all that I am.
I saw myself as an infant.
I took a journey the other night and saw myself as an infant. I saw light pink colors and soft textures. I saw cream lace and a tiny bonnet. I saw a baby who needs nurturing. And I was her and I was her mother- at the same time. So why am I afraid to care for her? Why am I scared to step into that role? I am quick to serve others- just the other day I had decided to eat toast for dinner, then my parents called to stop by and I literally roasted a whole chicken and made a salad to feed them when they arrived. Did I not think that I deserved that comforting meal? Do I punish myself for unnecessary guilt by not giving myself what I need or want? How can I truly serve others if I give myself the bare minimum? I cannot take ANYONE'S advice anymore. I have to, must, give myself what I need- no matter how it looks to others. And right now, my SOUL needs to be fed. She's starving.
Life will always present us with a lesson.
I'm finding myself seeing the bigger picture. I am less quick to feel rage, disappointment, or annoyance. I understand that, for me, I tend to see the negative first- even if only for a second. But life happens in stages; every aspect of our lives can't all be perfect at once. We have chances to grow in each area- at different times.
For the past 6 months I have found wisdom in being alone- in not giving my heart to anyone but myself. I feel like that time prepared me for a trip over the ocean that sent waves of realizations up my spine.
As soon as I realized I was afraid to be alone- I felt okay being alone. I finally let go of a love I thought I couldn't handle. And as soon as I realized I could survive without that love, from someone else, I found myself seeing that I did indeed deserve it and could handle it.
Now I am finding wisdom in seeing myself from the eyes of a partner, and from the eyes of a child. I am finding wisdom in understanding that sometimes things just...are. Sometimes you see other people suffer and have to look away- because you know you can't help them. You remember how you used to suffer and the only thing that brought you to the light was yourself.
Success isn't defined by how much money I make.
It's not defined by how "big" my business is or how many social media followers I have. Success, to me, doesn't mean working long hours or having a thousand clients.
Success is when I have freedom to do what I love. It's when I get to see REAL changes in the women who are a part of the Lunar Nourishment tribe. I feel successful knowing that I haven't sacrificed ANY of my beliefs & values for my business. Success is knowing that every client or customer who supports my business is literally helping me put food on my table.
I feel successful in the fact that my tribe is steadily growing & I am able to keep up with that growth. I am still able to personally answer all emails and messages.
I remember the faces (maybe not the names!) of every woman who has been a part of Lunar Nourishment for the past year and half.
I don't measure success in terms of how much money I make each month or how many women sign up for my offerings. Success is that I get to do what I LOVE, every single day and I get to be AUTHENTIC and true to myself.