“You are dreaming your life into being”
(lyrics by Marlena Jarjoura)
I spent a lot of my life feeling like someone else was going to save me.
The thing or person that was going to rescue me had many faces. My mother, my high school sweetheart, my college degree, my dream job, the first boyfriend I ever lived with, my business… you get the picture.
Each time that I started to depend on one of those knights in shining armor, I was disappointed. I expected to “find myself” in each of those things and people but instead, I found myself BECAUSE of those things.
When I realized that my Mother wasn’t an angel, I discovered how to nurture myself. When I realized that I’d never end up with the first boy I ever slept with- my high school sweetheart- I learned how to let things go and discovered that I’d be okay. When I graduated college and realized that 4 years of work led to me sitting under fluorescent lights all day, I realized that I had to find my purpose and create my own livelihood, on my terms.
When I moved in with a partner and discovered that living together doesn’t magically make you like the person, I had to learn how to stare conflict in the face and set boundaries. When I started my business and realized that even with my “dream” job, I still wanted more, I had to learn to strive for contentment, rather than pure happiness.
And now, now I see that prince charming doesn’t exist. That ALL relationships take work. I have learned that you cannot depend on your partner to be everything for you; your best friend, a boyfriend, your therapist, your handy-man, your travel partner, your lover. A relationship is two people existing as individuals who aren’t dependent on each other for their own happiness.
Through all of this; the relationships, the careers, the DEEP healing- I’ve learned that my relationship with SPIRIT comes first.
When I say Spirit, I mean Self. To me; they are one in the same. I don’t pray to Jesus or worship a God or follow a religion. My God is LOVE and it exists inside of me. I have specific things that I do to access that love, and I can feel when it’s cut off.
The biggest way that I stay connected to Self/Spirit/God is by living a life that is in alignment with the person that I am now. As a very impatient person, my nature is to be disappointed that the life I have now isn’t the life that I want but in doing that- I am cutting off the connection. I am not present with the life that I’m creating.
Life is about creating.
If we are looking TOO far ahead, we become disappointed with what we have now. If we look TOO far behind, we aren’t focused on the present and we stop our flow, our connection.
My work with women is deeply rooted in the feminine- more specifically with our Mother wounds (we’ve all got them). For most of us, we weren’t initiated into our femininity and we haven’t yet learned what that means for us. Our sensuality- this is our juiciness for living. For a lot of us, that well has run dry. We aren’t sure how to fill it back up. But with intention, ritual, and letting go, we can fill up our cups until they run over, so that we have the energy to do all the things that we were put on this Earth to do.
I would never have been able to start my business, or my women’s group, and do all the other things in my life that I do, if I wasn’t connected to my femininity. The feminine is the flowing, the receiving, the cold, the dark, the night, the rest, the movement, the passion, the beauty.
This is what makes life fun!
How do you connect to your femininity?